Adventures in Togo: 2009

As you know, I like to keep my blog entries upbeat and humorous; however, I’m going to start this one off with a more upsetting part of my life here in Togo.

Growing up, I heard countless times from friends, family and media how fortunate I was to be an American woman. I was told as an American woman I was provided many liberties and opportunities that women in other countries were not afforded. Although I had believed all of this information, it wasn’t until I got here that this information resonated. When Togolese girls I consider sisters and Togolese women I consider kindred sprits tell me about the hardships they face as women, it breaks my heart. I see young teenage girls pregnant with babies, unaware of how they became pregnant. I hear stories from my female lycee friends (who can barely pay for school fees because their families don’t think it’s worthwhile sending them to school) of how male teachers force them to sleep with them. I see wives beaten and mistreated and given minimal respect by men.

I lay in bed at night racking my brain for answers. I can’t save these women. I can’t punish these men. How can I give these women an ounce of the self-esteem, self-respect and courage I have so taken for granted? It’s something so innate that I didn’t even realize it was there, let alone realize what a gift it was to be raised by a family and a society where I was valued so highly.

I have been talking with some of the lycee girls about starting a girls’ club. In this club I will talk to these girls about how their bodies work (no one ever talks to them about this), how they get pregnant and, most importantly, it will be a safe place where they can talk together about the challenges they face and the pressures they feel. I’m hoping with a little bit of encouragement, these girls will grow into women who will be confident and strong. When these girls give birth to baby girls in the future, my hope is they will pass on this special gift of knowledge.

It’s important to mention that there are some girls I know here who are an exception to the rule. One of my best friends in village, a 14 year old named Alice, is bright, driven and unabashedly hard working. She got her first semester ranking shortly before I came to Lome and is second in her class and first in English! I’d like to think I had a little to do with the English ranking but she would be successful whether I worked with her or not. She’s a star. When I spend time with Alice it refreshes me and encourages me to work with other girls in our village. I see it is possible to be a strong and confident Togolese female despite the odds. That’s enough to keep me going, no matter how discouraged I may get some days.

If you have young girls in your life in America please don’t underestimate the value of how you are raising them. They may not ever be able to fully appreciate the gifts you are giving but I have seen that it really makes a difference.

In addition to the girls club I am getting together, I have started a girls’ basketball team. We started with about 8 to 10 girls and I’ve had more and more girls come every week. Some girls even stop me on the road and ask me if I’m the white person who has the girls’ basketball team, and, if so, can they come? The girls are definitely getting better, which is exciting to see. We had a rough start as they had never held a basketball, seen a basketball game and had no idea of the rules. We have a lot of trouble with traveling on our team but they have fun. They giggle so much sometimes they fall over. I think back on my days playing basketball and how the coaches were so strict and competitive. That’s not really my coaching style, however, so these girls get a little wild sometimes, which makes me really happy!

***I’d like to thank all of the friends and family who sent me basketballs and basketball equipment all the way from America. Everything is getting good use and is appreciated by many!!!***

I’ve also been playing basketball with the established boys’ basketball team in Pagala. At first I was somewhat of a spectacle but now that I’m a regular we’ve all become good friends. We are such good friends that when I score, everyone cheers, no matter which team I’m playing for. The boys on the team play fairly well considering they have never seen a real basketball game, never heard of Michael Jordan and are wearing size 2 Reebok women’s spandex shorts circa 1995.

I can’t help but laugh at these teenage boys that show up, bodies toned and muscular from manual labor, wearing pink addidas girls’ shorts and Capri pants they got from the dead yovo market. (You may recall from an earlier post that the dead yovo market is where all of the donated clothes from the US and Europe end up. You search massive piles on the floor at various markets and street corners in Togo and pay less than 25 cents per piece. The clothes are referred to as "dead yovo" because Togolese can't believe that anyone living would give their clothes away.) Here, all clothes are considered unisex and sometimes I see men wearing things and think “hey, I used to have a shirt like that in middle school”. I have a theory as to why girls’ clothes are so popular with the men here (and I think my mother will back me up on this): Men in America never give up clothes. Friday casual clothes become gardening clothes. Old gardening clothes become painting clothes, etc. Clothes in mens’ closets in America find new uses until the cloth is so far shredded it can be used for nothing except cleaning rags. Thus, men in Togo cannot find dead yovo clothes for men easily. Instead, what they do find in markets throughout Togo are clothes in styles deemed "out of style" by the girls and women of America. Hence, an entire basketball team of men dressed in girls' clothing. They seem to be unaware of the fact that they are wearing girls' clothing. If they do know perhaps the associated stylishness of wearing something from the west may trump the fact that it's from The Limited.

On the basketball court in America, we use certain slang terms to communicate with our team members. Some examples: “Sweet shot!” or “Heads up!” The boys on my team have two phrases which I find endearing. The first is “jolie!” which translates to “pretty”. They say this when someone makes a really beautiful shot or pass. The second is “cadeau!” which means “gift”. They use “cadeau” if someone has a fast break and/or an open shot at the basket.

After getting run up and down the court with these boys (their technical skills may not be perfected but they can run up and down the court faster than any team I’ve ever played on), we all walk home together as they take turns holding my dog’s leash. I laugh as they turn down the road towards various quartiers where they live after complimenting each other on a pretty game, wearing clothes previously found in teenage girls’ closets and to top it all off, they’re holding hands. (Men and women never hold hands in public here but it is very common to see people of the same gender holding hands). As wonderful as the camaraderie between the boys is, I can’t help but smile at the differences between their team and the boys’ basketball team from my high school.

Other news? I got a puppy! His name is Fenway. Are you beginning to see a theme with my pet names??

Fenway and big brother Wrigley have been getting along very well. They fight from time to time but I’ve decided the fights are about how they’re playing. Wrigley wishes Fenway played more like a cat and Fenway wishes Wrigley played more like a dog. They end up compromising and have a good time together.

When I brought Fenway home I imagined the conversation Wrigley and Fenway had upon meeting each other:

Wrigley: Oh, brother. A dog? Let me just say, for the record, that your name may be “dog” but I am the top dog around here.
Fenway: OK!
Wrigley: As far as rules for the house go, I’ll split the lizards with you 50/50 and if you’re nice, I’ll throw you a cockroach once in a while. You are not allowed, under any circumstances to catch and eat mice. That’s my job. It’s in my contract. Also, do not under any circumstances put a dead, bloody lizard on our mom’s lap. She really freaks out.
Fenway: Sounds great! I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE!
Wrigley: What’s wrong with your tail?
Fenway: I don’t know. I’m just really happy!!!
Wrigley: Ugh. Your one of those, are you? Well if you keep that up with your tail I’m just warning you I’m going to have to bat it around.
Fenway: That sounds like fun!
Wrigley: This Pollyanna act is kind of getting on my nerves. I’m going to go climb a tree now. Welcome to the family, kid. Oh, and FYI, just because I swat you in the face from time to time with no apparent reason, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you.
Fenway: I love you too!!!!
Wrigley: Ugh, gross. Bye.

They’re pretty silly together, I have to admit. One of the funniest times we share is when I train Fenway (sit, down, paw, etc.). Wrigley gets a whiff of those treats, sizes up what’s going on and thinks “shoot, if that’s what a cat’s got to do to get a piece of jerky, count me in”. They both walk alongside me. I say “sit”, they sit. They both get a treat. Then I say “down”, they lie down. They both get a treat. They are already very good but I think at the end of my service I will have the best trained pets on the planet. I’m thinking I’ll need to bring them back to the states with me so we can go on Letterman!

When I walk Fenway around in my village, people ask me a lot of questions, the most popular being “will you give me your dog?”. Keep in mind it’s not unusual for people to ask me for things they see me with (my shoes, my sunglasses, etc.), however, in this case, they are looking for dinner. My well rehearsed response is: “he’s not ready yet”. (Meaning: I’ll fatten him up for you first.) Don’t call PETA on me, it’s just a joke and they know it! “What is the cord for?” is another popular question. I also get a lot of people asking me what his name means. This requires a lengthy explanation about what baseball is, where Fenway Park is and why I picked that for a name. This puppy has already provided a lot of cultural exchange with my villagers!

I want to thank everyone who sent me letters and packages around the holidays. As you can imagine, it was difficult to be away from my family. Sensing that it would be difficult I had planned a trip to Ghana with my friends Kristina and Fabiola. We had a great time and were very distracted by all of the fun activities in Ghana! Maybe we’ve been gone from America too long, but it felt like we were back in the Western world. Ghana is so rich compared to Togo it felt like another planet.

Top activities included:

*Eating ice cream (at least once a day)

*Seeing a movie (IN A MOVIE THEATRE)!!!